****
Yesterday was a bitter-sweet day. Our very dear Gigi (Phil's Grandma Miller) went to meet Jesus in Heaven. It was unexpected, but so very gracious of the Lord to take her Home before she lost her independence or suffered in pain more than she already was. Telling the kids was a special time as a family. They were so sweet. Phoebe's only understanding of meeting Jesus so far is that He is going to come back at the trumpet blast and take us up on the cloud to be with Him. So her questions revolved around which cloud Gigi was on, could we see her on it, how did she get there, and I think she was confused as to why she didn't get to go too and why there wasn't a trumpet call. She announced that she isn't going to miss Gigi, and I truly believe she said that because Gigi is in Heaven and that is where Phoebe really wants to go, and soon, so she just doesn't think anything of it that Gigi is there now. Today, however, she's decided that she does, in fact, miss Gigi and is a little bit... bummed. When we told the kids that Gigi got to go meet Jesus, Lily immediately knew what that meant. She grew very quiet and we really weren't able to get her to talk to us for probably about an hour. She sat very quietly. We cuddled her and I played dolls with her. Finally, she said that she's going to miss Gigi and she's sad, but that mostly she's happy that Gigi is having fun with Jesus now. I think she found her sadness confusing, just like I did for myself, because it's such a contradiction to be sad for our loss and yet know that this was such a good thing for the person we love. Titus and Sammy don't understand about death but Titus had sweet questions about Heaven and Sammy said "Miss Gigi, Miss Gigi" because he was repeating the girls.
Later in the evening, Lily asked me how Grammy found out. I explained what had happened that Grammy found Gigi had died and Lily was concerned for Grammy's heart. So, when Grammy called around bedtime, it was SO good that Lily and Grammy could talk and hear that the other was doing okay. Lily at first said she didn't want to talk to Grammy because she didn't know what to say to her. I handed her the phone and said, all you have to say is hello. Grammy was so sweet and gracious and helped Lily ease into the conversation by calming Lily's heart. Grammy told Lily she was doing okay and was happy for Gigi that she could be with Jesus and Boppie. They talked for a bit and Grammy said they have special memories and Lily said, ya, like Gigi's Cupcakes - a small business they'd visited months ago that have incredible cakes.
When I told Lily today that the funeral would be in November so that Auntie Ronda and Uncle Skip could be home from Africa for it, she got a big relieved smile and said, and then Nana and PopPop can come! She has such a sensitive heart and it has been a relief to her knowing that God is taking care of each person.
She didn't want to call her cousin last night to talk about her loss, because she just doesn't know what to say. But this morning when she found out that her cousin knew already and was sad, too, I think it again lifted a visible burden off her shoulders... that her dear cousin understands her pain. If you ask Lily, though, she will be quick to say that it's a little sad, but mostly it's happy because we will see Gigi again and she can be with Jesus and her husband now.
I feel like Lily and I are alike right now in how we feel. Most of the time, Lily is more like Phil than me. But we both feel kind of confused by the strange paradox of emotions. I am really sad about Grandma's death. She's been my grandma since I was 15 years old - so more than half my life. She paid me for my A's on my report card in High School. I lived with her for a time, which I loved! And she told me numerous times that I should never worry about cleaning my house over being a mother or having her over because I could clean my house later in life and there were more important things than that. She told me this more times than I can count. I will really miss her. I just can't believe she's gone.
But like Lily would quickly say as a follow-up, "but we'll see her again someday"...
No comments:
Post a Comment